( ha  ha ha )

1. Three friends arrived at the Pearly gates of heaven at the same time. As part of their orientation to heaven, St. Peter asked what kind of remarks they would most like to hear from their family and friends at their funerals.
    "I would like to hear them say I was a great Doctor and a good family man," said the first man.
    "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and that, during my career as a school teacher, I made a difference in many lives," chimed in the second fellow.
    "Those tributes both sound terrific," replied the third man, "but i'd like to here them say, 'Look ! He's moving !'"

2. Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were camping in the forest. They had gone to bed and where lying beneath the night sky when Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"
    "I see thousands of stars," Watson replied.
    "And what dose that mean to you?" Holmes asked.
    "I suppose it means that of all the planets in the universe, we are truly the most fortunate to be here on Earth," said Watson. "We are small in God's eyes, but should struggle every day to be worthy of our blessings. In a meteorological sense, it means we will have a sunny day tomorrow. What dose it mean to you, Holmes?"
    "To me," said Holmes, "it means someone has stolen our tent."

3. A little boy was walking to slowly to school. "Hurry up! You'll be late!" called a concerned neighbour.
"There's no rush," the boy said. "They're open until half past three."

4. Steve was unemployed and desperate for money. He decided to go to a rich neighbour hood and look for work. One homeowner offered Steve a job painting the porch and told the paint and brushes where in the garage. An hour later Steve rang the door bell to collect his pay. "Thank you," Steve said as the homeowner handed him the money. "And, by the way, you don't have a Porsche - it's a Ferrari."